


texts and textbooks

by CammieInTheMaking



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Brief Mention of Suicide, Confused Hercules Mulligan, F/M, Gay John Laurens, M/M, Pansexual Lafayette, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, is he straight?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-09 18:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CammieInTheMaking/pseuds/CammieInTheMaking
Summary: Alexander Hamilton has a crush on his classmate, John Laurens. But he's straight. So he just picks fights with John, hoping to get over his crush. And then his dad, their history teacher, changes the seating chart so they sit next to each other. It's going to be an interesting semester.





	1. .1.

"Ah, Alexander, early for class again, I see." Mr. Washington smiled. "I changed seats for the new semester, let me check the seating chart."

"Alright, Mr. Washington." Alex placed his books down on the corner of the nearest desk. He looked around the room.  _History is definitely my favorite class. I love this room so much. Even though my dad is the teacher._ His eyes roamed over the flags and maps covering the walls and wondered if he'd ever know it all.  _There's so much knowledge in the world._

"Okay, Alexander. You're in the back row, the second to last seat on the right." Mr. Washington pointed. Alex groaned. "I'm sorry, but I can trust you in the back, other kids, not so much. I put Hercules next you, if that helps."  _Having your dad as your teacher can be good and bad._

"It's fine, Mr. Washington." Alex picked up his books and walked into the corner. He was pulling back his chair when Herc walked into the classroom. "Hey Alex. Mr. Washington. New seats?" He asked, noticing Alex had just sat down in the back row.

"Yes, Hercules. You're next to Alex, in the corner. I hope I can trust you two?" Their history teacher asked seriously.

"Yes, sir." Hercules spoke. Alex nodded in agreement.

"Thomas, you're early." Mr. Washington added, noticing the boy who entered his classroom. "You have a new seat, it's..." He looked down at the paper in his hand, his finger running along it, mouthing the various names. "Front row, third seat from the left."

"Okay." Jefferson brought his books over to his new desk. "Hamilton. Mulligan." He curtly nodded at his classmates. They were in the middle of a truce that would last three more weeks. This particular truce was brought about by multiple teachers threatening them with detentions. George wouldn't mind him bringing home a detention, since he knew how annoying Thomas Jefferson could be, but Martha would kill him. And Thomas' parents were the same. So they had decided on a month-long truce in hopes that it would calm their teachers to see that they were getting along- even if it was pre-agreed and false.

"Jefferson." They spoke in unison, nodding back to him.

Slowly, their other classmates filtered in. The rows started to fill up, but the seat next to Alex remained empty. Hercules looked over at his best friend and whispered, "It's Laf or John Laurens."

Alex dramatically dropped his head down on his desk. "No!" He groaned. "The odds are against me."

"John, nice of you to be on time." Mr. Washington spoke calmly. "Your new seat is in the back row, next to-" He chuckled at seeing the state his adopted son was in. "Alexander."

"Herc, kill me now." The black-haired boy groaned.

"Ah, teacher's pet. And how are you doing this fine morning?" Laurens stated confidently.

"Just fine. How long did it take you to do your hair? Was that why you were late to homeroom?" Alex snapped.

"No, I was a bit busy with a  _male_  problem, if you know what I mean." He winked.

Alex gagged jokingly. "Yes, because if you really were masturbating, you'd tell me, of all people."  _So maybe that joke gag was somewhat real. How can he casually bring stuff like that up? He has no clue I'm gay. Oh dear lord the rest of this semester is going to be a new kind of hell._

"Maybe I would. Maybe I get off on knowing people know I'm masturbating." He smirked arrogantly.

"I'm not going to glorify that with an reply." Alex rolled his eyes.

"You just did, Lexi." John smiled.

Alex inhaled sharply.  _Everyone_ knew he hated being called Lexi. Even Jefferson never stooped that low. "I swear, Laurens, if you call me Lexi again, I'll-" But he didn't have to come up with a threat because the bell rang.

"Ah, Gilbert. Barely on time, as always." Mr. Washington commented. "I'm sure you can tell where your new seat is." Just in case he couldn't, Mr. Washington pointed his pen at the desk sitting empty in the center of the classroom.

"Thanks, Mr. W."

"Any time, Gilbert." Mr. Washington commented dryly. As long as Laf is on time, Mr. Washington doesn't mind his humor.  _Usually, whenever Laf is over, Dad's really friendly with him. He has to be professional during school hours_ , Alex reminded himself.

Mr. Washington started up the projector and started his lecture, changing slides as he talked. Alex scribbled down notes on the class and wrote down notes to Herc in the corner of the pages in his notebook. He continuously glanced over at Herc's notebook to look at the other boy's comments.

"Hey Lexi." Laurens whispered.

Alex breathed deeply, trying to remain calm. "Yes, Laur-Laur?" He shot back.

"You did not just call me Laur-Laur." Laurens said, shocked.

"What do you want?" Alex whispered sharply.

"If you miss some of the notes in class, would Mr. Washington give you his notes when you get home?"

Alex didn't respond.  _Why do I like this guy? I don't even understand my own hormones._

"Hey, come on, lighten up, it was a joke!" Laurens tried. "Alex, I was-"

"Mr. Laurens, would you like to tell me what's so important that it interrupts my lecture?" Mr. Washington interrupted.

Alex looked up from his notes and snuck a glance over at John, who's face had flushed an adorable bright pink. And now he wanted to slap himself for thinking that. "Nothing, sir."

"Well clearly it was something." Mr. Washington pressed. "Tell me now or I will keep you after class to give you a detention."

"I was just asking Alex if he could clear something up for me, since he seemed to understand it. I'm sorry, sir." Laurens covered.

Alex fully turned his head to look at his classmate. That was quite the clever lie. If Alex had to give Laurens one thing, he was good with cover stories and lies, something no one ever thought he could be. Also, he was wicked attractive when he blushed. "Alexander, is this true?"

 _Fuck. Of course his honor would be called into question. Shit. Should he lie to his dad? He knew Laurens was depending on him, and he couldn't bear knowing Laurens had gotten a detention because of him._ "Yeah, Mr. Washington. He was asking me to clarify Jamestown's crops."  _That should be broad enough for Laurens to lie about._

"Well, John, next time you have a question on the material, ask. Did Alexander explain it to you or do I need to?" Mr. Washington queried.  _First names again, Laurens is in the clear._

"No, Alex covered it pretty well."

Mr. Washington went back to his slides, but Alex knew he'd be questioned thoroughly later.  _Is John worth it?_ He asked himself. As he saw Laurens slide down in his chair and whisper a quick, "Thanks, man." In his direction, he knew the answer was yes.


	2. .2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Explanation: Lafayette is taking Spanish in high school to talk to Alexander Hamilton in his born dialect, and Hamilton is taking French to talk to Lafayette the same way. Hercules was taking Spanish in his freshman year, but transferred into French his sophomore year. So while Laf is in Spanish 3 and Hamilton is in French 3, Herc is in French 2 with sophomores. So when the classes end for different lunch waves start, Hercules doesn't have lunch with them.
> 
> Also: they have four classes a day (each last 80 minutes). That's just how my high school ran, so that's how I wrote this.
> 
> Enjoy!

"You've got ten minutes left in class, use it wisely." Mr. Washington dismissed. A soft cheer went up among the students. Everyone loved when their history teacher gave them time to do homework or talk, whichever you choose.

"Hey Lexi."

Alex inhaled sharply. Only one person could be so cocky as to continue using that god-awful nickname despite the person receiving the nickname having covered for him. "What do you want, Laur-Laur?" He asked, not bothering to look up from his textbook.

"Thanks. You know, for earlier. Covering for me."

"It's fine." Alex waved him off, ignoring the fluttering of his heart.

"I was a bit out of line, commenting on your father like that. I shouldn't have said anything." Laurens said sheepishly, looking down at his fingers, tapping on the desk.

Alex noticed the toe of John's left foot scuffing the tiled floor. "It's fine, John." Laurens didn't respond. "John?" Alex tried. Still no response. "Laur-Laur?" Laurens' toe still scuffed along the tile, his fingers drumming the desk. Alex reached over and shoved the boy lightly. He noticed that the blush that was spreading out along Laurens' freckled cheeks.  _I want to kiss every freckle he has. Of course, he's straight. So it doesn't matter what I want to do._ Alex shoved Laurens a little harder.  _He's probably embarrassed._

"Merde!" Laf spoke. He had been talking to Hercules during John and Alex's conversation but noticed that John was about to fall out of his chair.

"John!" Alex cried out, reaching out his arm. John snapped out of his trance as he started falling. His arm shot out and his fingers wrapped around Alex's outstretched wrist, and Alex caught him mid fall, gripping John's arm with both hands, and pulling him back upright. In the scuffle, Alex would've sworn he noticed John had a bit of a  _male_  problem. In other words, a  _rise in his pants._ Basically, Alex would've, in that moment, bet money that John had an erection. But the moment passed as John was pulled up and back into his seat. He heaved a sigh of relief. Alex wasn't quite sure what he saw.

"You okay, mon ami?" Laf asked.

John nodded. "Thanks Alex. I guess I owe you big time." He sounded dumbstruck, like he couldn't believe what really happened. He had even called Alexander, 'Alex.'  _John Laurens owes me. Oh, I like to think about that. I would never force him to do anything though. It'll probably get forgotten. He'll forget it by tomorrow._ But tomorrow seemed so far away when he stared into Laurens' green eyes, and Laurens looked into his brown ones.

Herc sneezed. "I think I'm allergic to your cologne, Laurens."

"Mon ami, I think you ruined their moment." Laf commented.

"There was no moment." Alex spoke quickly. "Just..."

"Exhilaration." Laurens supplemented. "I did almost smack my skull on the tile. I don't think red splatters were meant to be part of the design."

Alex stifled a laugh. "Gentlemen." The four looked up at Mr. Washington. "What was the disturbance over here? The one that just occurred? I should never hear shouting while class is in session, not even during a debate."

"Sorry sir." Laf spoke first. "John was about to fall out of le chair and mon ami Alexander saved him."

Mr. Washington surveyed the group. He took note of the look in John's eyes, the panicked aftershock of a surprise event. He had seen that look on many a soldier when he had been a general, serving in Afghanistan. Alex was breathing slightly heavier than normal, the clear result of physical exertion. Hercules and Gilbert were just bystanders, clearly. "Alright. John, I don't think I need to remind you to not fall out of chairs in the future, but I will anyway." He started to walk away.

Alex noticed John was blatantly staring at him. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He joked.

"Yeah sure, Lexi. I want to see your face more often." Laurens waved him off. Alex felt like someone had just punched him in the gut.  _I just caught him, and he was thankful. But I had to ruin it and make a joke. Now we're back to bickering._

"Maybe you would, you were the one who told me about your masturbation habits, like I care." Alex commented snidely.

"Lexi-" The rest of John's statement was lost under the ring of the bell. Alex picked up his books and rushed out of the classroom, Lafayette by his side. Hercules had lunch next so he took his time. Alex had French III next, and it was next door to Laf's Spanish III. They were taking the languages to better speak together. They called their mixed garble 'Franglish' - French, Spanish, and English. It was fun to watch poor Herc try to keep up. He had started in Spanish I, but transferred into French I his sophomore year. Alex and Laf talked right outside their classroom doors for a handful of minutes. "Alex, the bell's about to ring!" His friend Angelica called out to him. "Thanks Angel!" He called back. "See you at lunch, Laf."

"See you at lunch, Alex."

Alex was about to turn when he saw Laurens walk behind Laf into the Spanish classroom. "I am so sorry you have class with that jerk."

"I don't think he's that bad. He's amistoso. But you don't think he's all jerk, do you, mon ami? I saw le mirada en tu ojos."

"Señor Lafayette. So close, but it would be 'la' not 'le.'" Señorita Martinez corrected him. "Now, please enter the classroom."

"Monsieur Hamilton, you should follow Señorita Martinez' advice as well."

"Sorry Madame Jones." Alex and Laf caught each other's eye and grinned widely, heading into their respective classrooms. Immediately after, the bell rang.  _Angelica was right._  Alex thought, as he slid into his seat right next to her.

French started with a pop quiz and they reviewed verbs all class. For 80 minutes. Damn their block schedule. It was great most of the time, but sometimes it just dragged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'la mirada en tu ojos' is Spanish for 'the look in your eyes'
> 
> Lafayette just says 'le' because he's French and being stubborn.
> 
> and 'amistoso' is friendly/alright


	3. .3.

After school, Alex was waiting for his dad to finish office hours and Herc had half an hour until football practice started. "I need to pee." Herc stated.

"Then go?" Alex suggested.

"Alone?" Herc asked, as if Alex had just mentioned going to hell for a quick trip.

"Fine." Alex sighed dramatically and shut his locker door. They headed into the bathroom.

As Hercules was washing his hands, he looked over at his friend. "Dude, you know Mia?"

"Your girlfriend?" Alex deadpanned.

"Yeah. She wanted me to have sex with her in a classroom. During school. While I was at lunch, she had study, and she came over to me, asking me to fuck her in 237. She said she knew there was no class in there."

"Did you?" Alex asked.

"Nah man, but I kind of wanted to. She's always coming up with insane stuff like that though! I almost can't keep up! How are you doing in the relationship department?"

"Still single. Like usual. But there is a guy-"

"Who is he?" Hercules cut his friend off.

Neither noticed the teenager in the third stall. The freckled teen tucked a lock of black hair behind his ear. John listened to the friends, not trusting himself to move an inch.

"Let me finish, Herc. With a face like his, he's got to be straight, though. I've given up on my chances." Alex sighed.

"Alex, you never know. I didn't know Laf was pansexual." Hercules consoled his friend.

"Laf screams 'gay' but makes out with girls. How did you not realize he liked more than one gender?" Alex laughed.

"I'm oblivious to it all. I sort of thought that you were gay, but I wasn't sure. You know me, I never notice anything."

"That's definitely true. And I'm bisexual, I like girls  _and_  boys. Sometimes I find boobs attractive, other times I find lower voices attractive. It  _changes_."

"Alex, what's the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I don't mean to be offensive, but I honestly don't know." Herc asked sheepishly.

"Okay, so  _pan_ sexuals don't choose someone because of sexual identity, or expression, and  _bi_ sexuals like men  _and_  women. Some pansexuals identify as bisexual because they don't realize the difference, they are very similar." Alex explained. John thought about that description.  _It's pretty on point, actually. And who would've thought,_ the  _Alexander Hamilton is gay. Well, bi. But he likes dick. I have a chance! But not really, he likes that stupid straight guy. Please just come to terms with the fact that he's straight and look for your local gay, ie. me!_ John thought about what he was thinking.  _Way to sound desperate, John!_

_I haven't met a guy who was my type_ and _gay since Michael..._

_Don't bring up Michael._

_Oh, Michael? Or the fact that Michael committed suicide because of his father? Because honestly, with Mr. Washington, I can't tell if he's homophobic._

_Do not think about that._ John was thankfully snapped out of his thoughts by a particularly whiny, "Please!"

"No, Herc. I'm not going to tell you who he is. Maybe in a day or two. But not now."

"But Alex! Now I have to go to practice, and I'll be thinking about this the entire time. Thanks a lot." He complained sarcastically. "When practice is over, I'll text you! Mark my words, I'll wheedle it out of you if it kills me."

"I'll make sure my phone is on silent." Alex commented, laughter evident in his voice.

"Screw you."

"Screw Mia instead, you're not my type." Alex teased. "I hear she wants to do it in a classroom. You better watch yourself, you seem to have an exhibitionist on your hands. Wait until she chooses a more public place. Then you'll come running for advice."  _Why would Hercules ask Alex for advice about exhibitionism? Wait. He's not! Is_ the  _Alexander Hamilton an exhibitionist_?

"Because you'd have sex in public. Wouldn't want anyone you bicker with, which is  _everyone_ , to see you moaning at someone else's mercy."

"Shut up!" John could see a sliver of Alex's face through the crack in the door as he turned away from his face. That tiny sliver turned scarlet with Hercules' new commentary. John smiled to himself. He enjoyed gaining new information about Alex.

"Alright dude, I've got to go to football. We  _will_  talk later."

"See you. I'm going to the cafe anyway, we can walk together."

John listened to their footsteps walk past his stall and out the door, then heard the door open and close. He counted to 30 just in case and finished going to the bathroom. As he was washing his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. It was cloudy from years of not being cleaned properly, and it was probably a cheap mirror to begin with. His hair was a bit of a mess, but in a nice way. An artful, casual mess. He grabbed the ribbon he kept in his pocket and tied it back. His green eyes were striking, and his smile was genuine. His skin was clear - a handful of pimples here and there, but hey, he is a teenager - and a million freckles, but his ex from when he lived in South Carolina loved them. Every one who hit on him said his freckles were adorable.

_What's not to like, right?_   _Alex is hotter than me, but I'm not trash on the side of the road. I have value. Just because I'm not hot doesn't mean I'm not adorable. Right?_ He tried to logic.

_Maybe I'm too cocky and arrogant, maybe that's why he doesn't like me. Maybe he's not into guys who are taller than him? A lot of people like guys who are taller than them. You don't. Maybe he's not into guys with freckles. Who doesn't like freckles? Maybe comments like that are why he doesn't like me._

John groaned aloud and realized he was still washing his hands.  _Or maybe it's because I zone out like that and waste water._ He thought spitefully.  _You want to pull yourself together, man?_


	4. .4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and parental abuse. Proceed with caution; be safe and take care of yourselves.
> 
> Also, if dad jokes offend you, skip this chapter.

****John Laurens headed out of the bathroom and went to his locker. He was less than 20 lockers down from Alex. When they were freshmen this section was for G-L last names, so he got lucky. And to be on the second floor of their three-floor high school was a luxury. John's fingers stretched out to the lock. "Clear it, right turn to 16, left turn, go past 16 to 46, and right immediately to 30." He muttered to himself as he followed his own instructions.

"You could just stuff a pencil in the locking mechanism, like over half the student population." That voice was without a doubt, most definitely Alexander Hamilton, and he sounded cheerful.

"Do you, Lexi?" He bit out, swinging open his locker door instead of turning around.

"No, I don't." He sounded hurt.

"Then don't tell me what to do." John spoke loudly, glancing over his shoulder at last. Alexander looked as hurt as he sounded.

"I'm- I'm sorry. If I had known you were in such a bad mood I wouldn't have said anything." He looked at the floor and started walking over to his own locker. Sure enough, he started turning the lock.

Laurens wanted to bang his head against the wall of lockers. Or maybe the brick wall a few feet over. "Hey, Alex, I'm sorry. It's not you. I'm just mad at something else and you came along. You were trying to be helpful." Although he was still facing his locker, he was staring at Alex from the corner of his left eye. He saw the teenager's hair move as his head lifted up and turned towards him.

John pretended not to notice that Alex was looking at him, choosing to pull a random textbook out of his locker and cradling it in his arm. "Hey John," Alex started, the smile shining through his voice brighter than the sun, "what do you call a deer with no eyes?"

"What?" John asked suspiciously.

"I have no EYE-DEER!" Alex started laughing.

John groaned aloud. "That was a dad joke. A  _really bad_  dad joke."

"Yes it was. Want to hear another?" Alex asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Not really."

"Want to hear a joke about paper?" Alex prompted.

"No." John said firmly.

"Never-mind, it's tearable!" Alex cheered, ripping a piece of paper out of his notebook for emphasis.

John couldn't help it. He chuckled. Not at the joke, because it made him cringe more than anything else, but mainly at how excited Alex was. It was adorable. He was grinning widely from ear to ear. He was beaming. Practically glowing.

"Hey, John? If you mention a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?" John groaned again, but this time he was smiling. Smiling and laughing. "See John? You don't have to be in a bad mood."

"Maybe." John agreed, before seeing Alex's smile falter. "What's up?"

"Do you have a girlfriend, John? Because Herc keeps going on about his and I'm honestly at a loss for what to tell him right now." Alex asked.

"Haven't you had a girlfriend before?"

"Two. But neither was like his current girlfriend. Ever dated a girl who was really adventurous?" Alex elaborated. John didn't respond. "What? No girlfriend for you back in South Carolina?" When Alex still received no response, he elaborated, "No  _anybody_ down in South Carolina?"

"I did." John whispered. Alex walked over to his classmate.

"Who was he?" Alex asked softly.

"His name was-" John Laurens' voice cracked. He couldn't continue. He wanted to continue. He did. But he couldn't. Not right there. Not right then. He turned his back to the lockers and slid down until he was on the floor. "Michael." He whispered. It was easier to continue this way. "Like the archangel. Because that's what he was. An angel. To me, anyway." The tears started.  _Great. Sob in front of the guy you want to impress. Sob about your ex. Fabulous._ "But his dad wanted- Well, he didn't approve. So one day, I went to see him, one day when I knew the beating from the day before was particularly painful, but he wasn't there. I knew his parents were out- they always were on Wednesday's. Until 7:45. Those were the best days. So I looked for him, and there he was."

Alex wrapped his arm around John. "How did he do it?"

"Pills. In the bathroom." He choked out. If the tears had been a stream before, now they were a waterfall, at a Niagara Falls level.

Alex pulled John into his chest. He rubbed circles into his back. "Just breathe. Alright John? Remember to breathe." A couple of times John choked, probably on his own snot or saliva, but for the most part he stayed calm enough to breathe.

"How did you know that-that Michael k-killed himself?"

"When I was six, my dad split. He just left me and my mom. She died when I was eight. Cancer. My cousin, he lived on the same island, so I moved in with him. Nine months later, found him hanging from the shower curtain rod. Rope 'round his neck."

"Island?" In the process of lifting his head up from Alex's chest to look him in the eye, the ribbon holding John's hair back came undone and his curls fell into his face.

Alex chuckled. "Of course you'd pick up on that. But then again, I think you're my only classmate who doesn't know, right? I'm from Nevis, an island in the Caribbean. I was moved into an orphanage in New York, but then the Washingtons adopted me. Then they moved here, and so... Connecticut."

"How can you be so matter-of-fact about it all? Like your cousin committing suicide. And your mother dying."

"I guess it's just... my story, you know? Everything happens for a reason. It sucked to live through it, but I've cried enough." Alex held John tighter. "I still cry though. On anniversaries and such. I can't remember one of my birthdays where I didn't cry either. But on other days, I get by.

"But today, I guess it's in my story to help you get by. Don't worry, I'm not homophobic or anything. Your secret is safe with me. Hell, it's kind of my secret too. Alexander Hamilton, bisexual. Glad to make your gay acquaintance."

John let out a weak laugh and smiled. Alex wiped away some of the other boy's tears. "Well, Alexander, I'm pleased to make your gay acquaintance as well."


	5. .5.

John broke the sudden silence. "Can you help me up, do you think?"

Alex scrambled off the floor and held out a hand. John gripped it tightly and hoisted himself up. "Thanks." He murmured. He pulled up the hem of his shirt to wipe away the rest of his tears. Despite his emotional state, there was no way that John's mind could've missed how Alex's eyes flickered and lingered on his abdomen. "Alex?"

"Huh?" Brown eyes snapped up to meet green.

"Did you think I was straight? You did ask about me having a girlfriend, earlier."  _And_ maybe _to Hercules even earlier than that._

"Well, I kind of thought that a man with as attractive a face as yours was straight." Alex said, somewhat embarrassed.

"Same here." John chuckled.

"Did you just call me attractive?"

"Did  _you_?"

"Ah, turning the tables on me. Smooth." Alex blushed scarlet. He looked down at the ground and his hair fell in front of his face. John couldn't help himself, he tucked a lock of Alex's hair behind his ear and put his finger on the other boy's chin, lightly moving his head upwards.

"That's better." He smiled. "Actually, you know what would be better?" Alex cocked his head to the side, clearly questioning him. John picked up his hair ribbon from the ground. He stepped behind Alex and tied the Caribbean boy's hair back before looking at his handiwork. "Perfect."

"I usually prefer just a good, old hair tie- you know, the ones you can buy in packs of twenty-five for like two dollars?"

"Ribbons are better. They don't break strands of hair, which leaves hair stronger and softer." John replied, sniffling some of his snot.

"You sound like a commercial." Alex joked. "What did the man say when the cashier asked if he wanted the milk put in a bag?"

John leaned his head back against the lockers. The metal banged and clanked loudly. He rubbed the back of his head. "That hurt more than I expected it to." He said sheepishly.

"Well, the man replied, no, just leave it in the carton!" Alex continued his joke. "Do you want your ribbon back?" He reached up to pull the item in question out of his hair.

"Keep it. I have another one." John waved off, but heard barking. "Um...?"

Alex blushed lightly. "That's my phone. It's my dad's ringtone." He clicked an option on the screen and lifted the phone up to his ear. "Hey Dad... yeah... my locker... okay... five minutes? Great." He hung up the call. "Guess I've got to pack up. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow. We have Pre-Calc, right?"

"Yeah, first period." Alex winced. "That's too early. Ready for the test?"

"I never am. Thanks... for everything." John was avoiding eye contact and saw the front of Alex's shirt. "Shit! Dude, I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine. It'll wash out." He headed over to his locker and pulled out a sweatshirt.

John returned back to his locker.  _When did I take out my U.S. History textbook?_ He thought as he picked it up off the ground. He put it back inside his locker and pulled out his pre-calculus text instead. He was looking for his Spanish notebook when he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye.  _Holy mother of god Alexander Hamilton just took his shirt off. My gay ass is at a loss for words. He doesn't have a six-pack, nor a flat stomach, but he has a tiny little belly that pokes out. It's adorable! And his arms are muscular. Wherever those came along- be it Nevis, New York, or Connecticut- thank the Lord above. I'm too gay for this right now. Please put a shirt on, but also, please don't._ "Spanish!" He whispered to himself in a desperate attempt to avert his eyes.

"What?" Alexander called out.

"Oh, I just said-"  _shit his shirt is still off._ "Spanish. I was looking for my notebook. Just talking to myself, basically. I know it's weird."

"I do that all the time. No worries." He pulled his sweatshirt on.  _Okay, Laurens, pull yourself together. Spanish._  He packed his bag and pulled on his jacket. Alex walked past him, bag slung over his shoulder, "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. For that nasty pre-calc test."

"Oh I look forward to it. No sweat."

"For you." John muttered, but Alex had disappeared into the stairwell. He slammed his locker shut.  _You had a chance. You could've kissed him. Told him how you feel. Apologized. But what do you do? Start sobbing about your dead ex._

_But he comforted me. And he's dealt with suicide before. And I never knew he was from the Caribbean._

_It explains his accent you idiot._

_Shut up, you're calling yourself an idiot._

_And you told yourself to shut up._

_Touché._ He walked out, following the path Alex had just taken. John looked around, but Alex was already gone. He hoisted his bag higher on his shoulders. He checked his watch.  _No time for a stop at Dunkin' Donuts today._ He headed west, so he would be on time to pick up his brothers and sister.  _Mary Eleanor took the bus, so Henry, James, and Martha are waiting for me._ He walked the sidewalks and crossed the roads, mind lost in Alexander, feet following a path frequently traveled.  _So first we argued. Then he saved me from a detention by lying to his own father, then he saved me from falling out of my chair. Then he and Hercules were discussing him being, not only bisexual, but single as well. I snapped at him. He tried to cheer me up, and we laughed! We weren't fighting, we were getting along! But then I ruined it and started sobbing. Holy shit. Alexander Hamilton held me in his arms while I sobbed into his chest. Someone catch me, I think I'm going to faint. And he figured out I was gay, but he had thought I was straight - maybe I was the guy he was referring to when he talked to Hercules! He called me attractive. And when he took off his shirt, oh lord save me now. His arms clearly belong to an athlete, but I can't remember him ever joining a sports team. And that little stomach was just adorable._

John shivered in the cold and tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. It was the one clump that never stayed out of his face unless he tied it back. His fingers searched the corners of his pockets, but his ever present ribbon was missing.  _Where did I leave it?_  He wondered, before his mind summoned an image of Alex wearing it, and a hand reaching up to give it back, but leaving it instead.

 _A little part of my life is now with him._  The thought made him smile.


	6. .6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a slight mention of suicide - talking about Alexander's cousin. Stay safe.

Alexander walked out of the doors on the side of the high school building. He looked down at his sneakers, the black ones, as he walked along the paved path past the American flag. He only looked up once, and that was when he passed the flag, and, although people made fun of him for it, he let his hand rest on his heart and paused, in silence. His head dropped back down and he became mesmerized by the steady step of sneakers beating pavement.

He knew the path around the building, and shivered in his sweatshirt as the wind blew particularly hard. Alexander had walked the path many a time to head to the faculty parking lot. "Alex!" His father called. He looked up and saw his dad waiting by his Honda Accord.

"I'm coming." He groaned, reluctant to walk faster into the wind. When he finally got to the car he threw his backpack in the foot space and not-so-gracefully flopped into the seat, shutting the car door behind him.

"So how was your day?"

"Meh. Had a test. Pop quiz in French. Caught someone falling out of their chair. Nearly got in trouble for said catching." Alex said pointedly.

"I don't know why you take French, you speak flawless Spanish." Mr. Washington commented, clearly ignoring his adopted son's jab at him.

"Laf doesn't. I've explained this before, we talk in Spanish  _and_  French. It's fun to watch Herc struggle." He laughed. "It's all in good fun of course. He doesn't take it personally. Now, stop dodging. John Laurens."

"Yes?"

"Why? Just why?" Alex asked, intending for it to sound sharp, but instead sighing.

"I didn't really think about it, honestly. I have to view you as just another student, and as there hasn't been much of a problem,  _unlike you and Thomas_ ," he cast Alex a disapproving glance, before chuckling, "I didn't think much about it. You have Hercules. Although, I hope in the future, John manages to keep himself in his chair. Do you want to tell me why that happened? Or why the two of you were so awkward about it?"

Alex's mind flashed back to the maybe-erection.  _It probably was just a trick of the eye. A random fold in the fabric. Just because he's gay, which is in fact a wonderful new development, does not mean he's into me._ "We weren't awkward. It was just-"  _What had John called it?_ "Exhilaration. Nothing more."

"Alright." And just like that, it's over. The conversation drops.

Alex pulled out his phone and earbuds, and shuffled his 'Tune Out' playlist. He barely noticed the Foreigner playing in his ears as he stared out the window.  _What the hell was today? What kind of mess is my life? I tease my crush, who now sits next to me in my_ father's _class, he ends up nearly falling out of his chair, I caught him (I was his knight in shining armor!), and he might have (probably not though) had a boner (the cause of which is still unknown). Said crush blushes beautifully, and it's so adorable! And he was mad at me, probably because I might have embarrassed him, but then he liked my dad jokes! Maybe, he did laugh, but then he also groaned. Which were both wonderful sounds, by the way. I hope to hear those again._ He felt his cheeks growing hotter and was grateful for his dad focusing on the roads.  _Then- well, that's were it got weird. And bizarre. It was an innocent question, I just wanted to give Herc some good advice! And that ends with John sobbing into my chest. How the hell...? But he was dealing with a suicide as well, so we have more in common than I thought. And he tied my hair back!_  Alexander wanted to swoon. He couldn't help but reach and touch the ribbon tying his hair back.  _It's John's ribbon._  It gave him a thrill.

No one else knew that anything had changed. To everyone else, he probably seemed the same. Alexander Hamilton, with a million things he hasn't done. Alexander Hamilton, ready to pick a fight with Thomas Jefferson. Alexander Hamilton, writing like he's running out of time. Alexander Hamilton, who recently (mutually!) broke up with Eliza Schuyler. Alexander Hamilton.

Every knew parts of his story. He lived with the Washingtons, who had adopted him when he was 12. He was from the Caribbean, his accent still hadn't faded, a small island called Nevis. He spent time in New York before moving to Connecticut. He had a running feud with Thomas Jefferson. No one really understood that.

No one knew his father abandoned his mother. Or that she tried damn hard to provide for him. But he got the flu, and she caught it from him. But she didn't get better. The local doctors, the ones with the Red Cross who didn't charge much money, said she had cancer. No one knew that he tried to make her life as comfortable as possible while she was left on bed rest. No one knew he worked three jobs and went to the local school all at the same time. Everyone on Nevis knew. But here, Nevis isn't even considered it's own island. It was always 'Saint Kitts and Nevis.'

No one here knew that when his mother passed he moved in with his cousin. Who later killed himself. A rope around his neck in the bathroom.

No one knew that. Except now, John knew. Herc knew. Laf knew. He wasn't alone any longer. Of course, Jefferson knew as well. He never brought it up though. Everything else was fair game. But there were certain things that were off limits. No one knew that Jefferson was the last name of the Red Cross doctor who took care of Alexander's mother. Or that while he was volunteering, he brought his son on the trip. And that his son became friends with a local boy. No one knew that his son befriended the boy and would sometimes bring him food.

Jefferson knew his buttons and how to push them because he knew  _him_. He knew what had happened. And by some great cosmic event, they go to high school together. This high school is more than a school. It's a minefield. 


	7. Chapter 7

The wind blew the curly black hair into John Laurens' face. He was used to it and ignored the strands getting tossed this way and that. He checked his watch.  _I'm making good time._ He couldn't be late to pick up Martha again. Kindergarten through 2nd grade got dismissed first, so it was her that he was worried about.  _If only Dad would help me buy a car. But no, that's a waste of money! Even though he spends money on stupid shit- John calm down_. He realized he was clenching his fists and unfurled his fingers, pulling them out of his pockets and stretching them.  _Do not get angry at him now. Nothing I do can change him, just piss him off. Then, I never get my car._ John took a deep breath.

He started humming. A jazz song. The lyrics ran through his head as he walked along. Sure enough, he arrived at the public elementary school as her second grade class walked out of the building. He let out a sigh of relief.

He saw her pigtail braids bouncing and she skipped along, orange (because pink was too girly of a color and she was not girly) backpack bouncing with her. "Mattie!"

She turned, one braid hitting the side of her face. Her grin widened. "Johnny!" She ran to him. She was still small enough for him to lift her up into a hug.

"How was your day, Mat?" He asked her, placing her back down on the cement.

"I passed my spelling test!" She cheered. "I only got one word wrong!" Her grin was gap-toothed but genuine.  _I don't remember her mentioning having a spelling test today._

"What word?" He asked as he crouched down to her level.

"Diff-i-cult." She sounded it out. "I put one 'f' but there's two. That's mean. It only sounds like one."

"Didn't you study?" John asked, "I know  _you_ , of all people, would notice something unjust like that." He exaggerated.

"I didn't know it. I was the only one to take it. So that means I'm special!"

"Mat-" he began to ask.

"John, I presume. May I speak with you? It will just take a minute." He looked at the woman standing behind Martha and stood up slowly. "Please?"

"Hey, Martha, do you want to play on the playground for a few minutes? I'll be right back out. I'll take your backpack."

"Okay! I'm gonna try to finish the monkey bars!" She explained as she shrugged off the orange bag.

"Just remember, don't stop moving, but if you think you're going to fall-" he started to advise.

"Jump off so I don't get hurt, I know. You're such a worrywart." She rolled her eyes.

"Go." He laughed. She ran off to where he remember playing when he was younger. He had about five minutes until the fourth and fifth graders came out, and that's when he had to get Henry and James, so he immediately turned back to the young woman.

She stuck out her hand. "I'm Miss Black."

"Mat's teacher. She talks about you a lot."

"All positive, I hope." Miss Black chuckled. "Look, maybe we should step inside for this." She led the way into the school. She was young, probably in her mid-20s, and clearly unmarried. She was good looking, with her light blonde hair pulled into a styled ponytail. "This is my classroom." She moved her hand in a directed fashion, so John headed inside.

"I'm assuming this is about Mat. And that test today."

"She told you? Oh, of course she did. I know that not every student in this school has a reliable set of parents, and she talks about you like you're the best she has, so I have to ask-"

"Our mother died a week after Mat was born. Our father is a bit-  _scatter brained_  at times, but he's a reliable guardian."  _No he's not. That's a lie and you know it._

"Okay. Would you have the authority to make a decision about her education or should I schedule a meeting with him?"

"You can talk to me as you would talk to him."

He watched as she flattened the front of her navy blue skirt with her hands. "I've been giving Martha some tests, and these are third and fourth grade tests, and she does incredibly well on them, naturally. She absorbs information like a sponge, and reads three years above her year. I would like to get her transferred to third grade, which is just across the hall. Mrs. Reynolds, one of the third grade teachers, and Mr. Samuels, the principal, agree wholeheartedly that she should be academically challenged."

"That's great!"

"I agree, but we'd need forms signed by a guardian. Legally, can you sign?" She asked him anxiously.

"No, but I can get our father to sign them. May I have the paperwork?"

Miss Black smiled widely. "Yes, you can. Let me just grab them." She walked over to her desk and opened a drawer, before pulling a stapled pack of paper out. "I just need these before the 16th, so your dad has two weeks to sign. I want her to start the next quarter in third grade, and start catching her up now. I only need spoken permission from family that I can start giving her third grade materials." Miss Black handed him the packet.

"Start catching her up. I would hate for her to be behind her new classmates." He smiled.

"Martha's a great student, and I'm glad she's got such a great role model. You should know, when we do projects in class about role models and people the students admire, she always chooses you."

"Thanks for telling me. I'll get these back to you as soon as I can." The bell rang. "Perfect timing." He commented.

"Thank you, John. May I call you John?"

"Yeah. I've got to go get Martha."

"And your brothers?"

"How'd you know about them?"

"We're all in the same school, John. Teachers talk. Martha's much better behaved than the 'devil duo.'" She laughed.

"Why does that not surprise me." He commented dryly. "Well, yes. Them too. Nice meeting you, Miss Black."

"And you, John."

He walked out of the school, and stopped by the fifth grade dismissal area. "Henry, James." He raised his voice slightly. They turned and walked over, stopping at every possible chance to talk to their friends. John rolled his eyes. "I'm not leaving without you." When they finally moseyed over the group of brothers went to get Martha from the monkey bars, and they walked home.

The twins skipped ahead to be 'cool,' leaving Martha with her older brother. "Will you give me a piggyback ride? Just for a little while?" She begged.

John sighed dramatically but grinned at her. "Alright." And he crouched down, and she clamored aboard his shoulders, on top of his backpack. And that's how they walked, all the way home and down their driveway.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex wandered through the front door, his mind running through John's story.  _Micheal, like the archangel. Because that's what he was. An angel. To me anyway._

_So I looked for him, and there he was._

Alex had gotten used to death. It had followed him, with his mother, cousin, that awful hurricane. It still stung, but he had realized it happened. It was just a chapter in his story, and he was going to build something better. Something that would outlive him. But he'd never forget. Nevis held a part of his heart, and it would always remain that way. Martha Washington, also known as 'Mom,' which had taken him over two years years to get used to, asked him about his day, and he gave some simple responses, brain filled with images of John Laurens. He headed up stairs to his room and swiveled around in his chair to face his desk, opening up his textbook and notebook.

_It takes a lot to open yourself up like he did. He trusted me with a large part of his past._

_His abs though- when he wiped away his tears with his shirt. Wish I had abs like that._

_The blush across his freckled cheeks in class. It lit up his face!_

_The scrunched up expression when he hit his head on the lockers. I wanted to kiss him._

_The panic when he saw he had cried into my shirt._

_Stop it, Alexander! Focus on your homework. Pre-Calculus is not going to study itself._ The equations and formulas on the page swirled around his head. Then his mind conjured an image of John, raising his hand in class. "(f+g)(x) = f(x)+g(x)"  _Is it bad I remember that? Wait, what is that? One of the algebraic functions? Studying isn't so bad..._

"Dinner!" Martha called. Alex left his dark room. He'd forgotten to turn on the light, like normal. He trudged down the 19 steps, the odd number bugging him as he launched off one of the steps, jumping over the final three. He heard heavier footfalls walking slowly down the stairs. "I hope you were not foolish enough to attempt to sneak your phone to the table again, Alexander. Master spy, you are not."

"It's upstairs, I promise!" He laughed. Martha Washington has a strict no-phones-at-the-table policy, which he has tried to get around more than once.

"Are you sure?" She fixed an eye on him.

"Promise."

"You may sit." Martha smiled. "So, my boys, how was school today?" She asked as George sat at the head of the table.

"Some of the freshmen have yet to catch on that one day they'll receive detentions for some of what they try to pull." George grumbled.

"It's midway through the second semester!" Alex exclaimed.

"And they haven't learned."

"Maybe Herc and I can go intimidate them. Any names in particular?"

"You do that and I will not defend you. You know the drill: I treat you like any of my other students, and you treat me-" but he was cut off.

"'Like any other teacher,' I know, I know. Herc knows. But there's never anything wrong with some juniors shoving some freshmen around. They're the little ones, the cute ones, and they get picked on. Everyone knows that."

"Alexander." George spoke sternly.

"I'm just messing with you, relax, old man." Alex smiled widely. "So, as a proud seventeen-year-old, when will you allow me to get my own car?"

"When you can pay for 50% of it." Martha chimed in. "Your birthday was months ago, it's April, why bring this up now?"

Alexander sighed dramatically. "Because when I want to do things, I have to grovel for a ride or grovel to borrow one of your cars. And it's just a hassle."

"Well, instead of discussing a car, how about we talk about your little scuffle with John Laurens in class today?" George masterfully changed topic.

"I wouldn't call it a  _scuffle_ -"

"So an  _incident_ , then." George interrupted.

"No!" Alex objected. "Nothing happened! So it was neither an incident nor a scuffle."

George started to respond, "Alex-" but when his wife started to speak, he shut up quickly.

"Boys!" She exclaimed. "Alexander. You said you would stop getting into fights. And usually it's with Thomas, not John. Explain."

Alex shot a look at his adoptive father. "John almost fell out of his seat, I helped make sure he didn't." He said cryptically.

"And you had nothing to do with him falling?" She interrogated.

 _I mean, maybe, if I saw what I think I saw_. "No. I was talking to Herc, but I saw him start to fall and reached out."

George scoffed. "And before that?"

"George." Martha warned. "Alexander, what happened before that?"

"I believe he is referring to when John was whispering to me, asking me about Jamestown's crops." Alex glared at him. "Which is technically your fault for not covering clearly."

" _My_ fault? It's not-"

"Boys! Civility and diplomacy, or you-" She fixed George with an icy look, "will sleep on the couch, and you-" the object of her glare became Alexander, "will lose all electronics for 24 hours."

They both looked at each other and shuffled in their seats. "Sorry Mom." Alex apologized first. "Sorry Martha." George echoed.

"Keep yourselves in check. Now, Alexander, were you and John whispering in class?"

"Yes."

"And was it really about Jamestown and their crops?" As Alex opened his mouth to respond, she continued. "Don't you dare lie to me, young man. George is George here, he will not-" she shot a glare in the man in question's direction, "I repeat, will not, punish you for what is said here."

"No." Alexander said. "It wasn't."

"Then what was it?" Martha pushed.

"Something stupid."

"Alexander." She spoke sternly.

He sighed dramatically before sitting a bit straighter in his chair. "It was about how you're my dad."

"Alex, if there's any bullying going on-" George started.

"Dad! It's not bullying! It was a joke, I swear. John and I are..."  _What the hell are we?_ "...friends."

"Friends who groan and moan about having to sit next to each other?" George pestered.

"We're not the best of friends, but we get along just fine." Alex pushed his fork around his plate. "Now can I eat?"

"Well now you can. George, what's your point of view?"


	9. Chapter 9

Martha clamored off of John's shoulders and started to run up the stairs with her backpack, probably to do her homework, like always. John chuckled to himself.  _She'll do well in third grade._ Henry and James dropped their backpacks in the living room before running back out the door to head to one of their friend's house. "Wait! Slow down!" John called after them. "Who's house today?" He asked as they turned around.

"Nate." James said quickly, and they took off running again.

"Be back before dinner!" He added. Henry raised his hand in acknowledgment, both twins refusing to turn around.

John rolled his eyes and shut the front door behind him.  _Those two truly are the devil-duo._  He thought back to Miss Black and what she had said. His heart swelled with pride for his younger sister. The paperwork seemed to be weighing down his backpack, and he wanted to walk straight to his father's office and demand he sign it, but that wouldn't work. He had to specifically time things like this. As he walked past his father's office, he heard a loud, "John?"

John held back a sigh. "Yes Father?"

"Come into my office." John quickly smoothed his hair and made sure his jacket was closed before stepping inside the wood paneled room. "I would like to thank you."

"For what?"  _He never thanks me for anything unless we're in public._

"Not sleeping around. Senator Schuyler and I no longer have to worry about Mr. Prevost running against us. It recently became public knowledge that his daughter, Theodosia, a horrendous name for a child anyway, has had multiple boyfriends and she's only your age."

John suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.  _Theodosia Prevost is a nice girl, with a wonderful name, and has had four boyfriends. It's not like she's the school slut. That title goes to Maria Reynolds._ "Okay."

"Please don't start now. I know you have no concern for politics, but don't sabotage my campaign just for some notches on your bedpost."  _And there it is. It always comes back to the campaign and re-election._

"I won't."  _Who'd want to date me, anyway? And it'd take me forever to find another gay guy, let alone one who's my type._

 _What about Alexander Hamilton?_  John felt his cheeks start to darken. "Is that all, Father?"

"Yes." And with that dismissal, John hastily turned and left. He started walking down the hallway, practically tiptoeing to avoid confronting his father again. He had just stepped onto the bottom stair when he heard an echoing thud. "Martha?" He called. No response. "Martha!" He yelled, dashing to the second floor as fast as his legs would carry him. The first door on the right was hers and he ran in.

"Sorry Johnny. Just dropped my book." She grinned sheepishly. Sure enough, her right hand held  _Harry Potter and the Chamber if Secrets_  by J. K. Rowling. "I was distracted by my tooth and then..." she shrugged.

"Your tooth? Your loose tooth?" He asked.

She held out her left hand, fingers furled into a ball. Slowly the fingers spread open, revealing a tooth sitting in the center of her palm. "It just fell out."

"Well, we should wash it off then, and put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy!" He cheered. Martha started to get excited. John lead her out of her room and she ran as fast as she could to the bathroom. She stood on the tops of her toes to reach the counter and placed her tooth there. John picked it up and ran it under cold water to wash off some of the blood. "There you go. Nice and clean. Better go place it under your pillow."

Martha grabbed it eagerly and headed back to her room. Mary Eleanor poked her head out of her doorframe. "What just happened?"

"Your sister lost another tooth. Hello to you too, Mary."

"Oh, right. Hello John. I will be working on my science fair project if you need me. Don't need me." Mary was a seventh grader who fancied herself an adult already. John walked back over to the staircase and trekked to the third floor, where his room was in the far corner of the house, as far away from his father as possible. When he was 'too big' for his small room on the second floor, his dad asked him to pick one of the other bedrooms throughout the house. It seemed only reasonable that he picks the one as far from his father's office (with his bedroom alongside) as possible.

He immediately opened the window to the cold April chill. John refused to leave his door open when he wasn't home, and because it was below the attic and so high up, the air circulation wasn't the best. His room was the hottest in the summer and the coldest in the winter, but he managed. It was worth it to be away from his father.

He opened his pre-calculus textbook and cringed. Most of the reasoning behind him passing this class was staring at Aaron Burr's tests. Most of the reasoning behind him failing this class was staring at Alexander Hamilton, in general. Mainly when he does that thing when he doesn't know the answer- with his tongue on his lip and brow furrowed, he's a general distraction. Eliza  _and_  Angelica Schuyler clearly thought so. So did over half the girls in any of the classes he had.

No one ever tried to flirt with him, though. After his breakup with Eliza Schuyler, Miss Perfect herself, what girl will ever measure up? John rolled his eyes at the logic. He shivered and flexed his socked feet that were starting to go numb.  _Time to close that window. Air is fresh enough._ He looked back at his pre-calc textbook and sighed heavily. Martha's opportunity would distract him until he read it, so he grabbed that instead. There were nearly thirty pages, and some had neon pink post-its noting where their father had to sign.

 _Student with proven excelled behavior... placement testing to occur on precedented date..._ The teenager's brain could only comprehend some of the non-legal terms. He reread the first page three times and it still made his head swim.

_You can learn to work with dyslexia, but it never goes away. It haunts, taunts, and teases until you wish it would jump off a cliff or in front of a bullet._

_Don't think like that. You'll come back to it later. Pre-Calculus test tomorrow morning._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hit 100 kudos... I'm in shock. I never imagined this story would be this popular, and I don't even know what to say! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support, and all the comments, especially snazzy+revolutionary, for being awesome and commenting on multiple chapters! I love hearing from you guys (if you're even out there)
> 
> On to the story!

A few hours later and with math terms floating alongside legal ones in the head, John headed down to dinner. His father could not stand lack of punctuality, and he insisted on family dinner every evening at 7:15. Of course, _every evening_ only meant when there wasn’t a meeting, event, or other incredibly important senator-related thing Sen. Laurens just _had_ to show his face at. Then it was up to John to keep the habit, so Mary, Henry, James, and Martha had some form of stability in their lives. He has his mother for much longer than they had.

So John had made it his business to be a father to each one of his siblings. He had seen Mary through nickname changes, homework, projects, and how to use a laptop. He had seen the twins through three different sports, a brief stage of dancing, and many injuries. He had seen Martha through weekly library trips, ballet, which had then changed to contemporary, and all her art projects. He was their Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, head chef, and nurse. Today being Wednesday, it was a take-out night, so his father ordered food.

John had brought up that idea, and then wrote down what Mary, Henry, James, and Martha would each eat from each of their local restaurants, and who wouldn’t eat from where. And the allergy notes. Because god forbid a father remember that one of his daughters has a peanut allergy. Or that James’ system doesn’t do so well with copious amounts of dairy. The man could remember his opponents and supports’ details to a ‘T,’ but his own family seemed to be too much to ask.

He smelled buffalo sauce, so he knew it must be Chili’s, because they always got an order of buffalo-sauce covered chicken tenders. Everyone in the family loved those, except Mary, who was going through a vegetarian phase.

There were eight chairs around their dinner table, and obviously Sen. Laurens sat at the head. John and the twins sat on his left, Mary and Martha to his right, both sides seated oldest to youngest. John gazed around the dining room and saw that the twins were missing. _They better have come home or I swear…_

He turned towards the stairwell and yelled, “Henry! James!” By the thundering of footsteps John heard echoing from the second floor, they were home. He took his seat and Henry sat next to him. James slid into his chair and laughed at something had said, by the grin on his face.

Mary and Martha were already seated and helping themselves to food. Sen. Laurens glared at Mary Eleanor for going to take a bite of one of her quesadillas. “We pray first, you know that.”

They all clasped hands. “Our Father,” the senator began. His children dutifully picked up the rest of the prayer, “Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” John had said it so many ties that he no remembered it. His mouth moved on autopilot and his brain wandered.

_Martha’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks. That means the anniversary is also coming up._

“Amen.”

John looked at his youngest sibling as she, like his other three, started to eat. He had known their mother for nearly ten years. Mary Eleanor has known her for five years, the twins for three, and Martha has never even seen her mother alive.

Their mother died during childbirth, and when Martha was born still alive, it considered a miracle. But John considered the true miracle to be the different days. Martha was born so early in the morning, and Eleanor Laurens died so late in the night, John made sure that Martha never felt guilty about it.

As he slowly took a bite of his burger, he knew his father wouldn’t realize either of the two events next week. He would ignore celebrations for both his daughter and deceased wife within a span of less than 24 hours.

He slowly ate his burger while his father engaged each child in boring small talk. He talked to Mary about how long her hair was getting when she actually wanted a pixie cut, asked Henry and James about soccer when they haven’t played in three years and have since moved on to basketball. He turned to Martha and asked about her friend Sami, who moved away a year ago. She nodded absentmindedly and said that Sami was fine.

As John took a bite of his fry, his father turned back to him. “John, my son. How are your classes?”

“Bit tricky.”

“Well if you study hard, you’ll succeed.” _Bullshit_. “It’s mind strength that’s important. But you’re still doing sports, right?” _Never_.

“You know it.”

“I’m glad. You’ve got to keep up your image.” _I can keep up my image just fine. But whatever you say_ , father dearest. John just nodded, instead of vocalizing his sarcastic train of thought.

Fifteen minutes later, after all the children had long ago finished eating and Sen. Laurens was just finishing, their father stood up and said, “You are all excused.” He left his plate and no one asked questions. Because that’s what a proper parent should do. Of course. John had to repress the urge to roll his eyes. After their father had fully exited the dining room, the five children stood up. Henry Jr. and James collected plates, silverware, and glasses and brought them into the kitchen, Martha collected the napkins and threw them out, leaving Mary to load the dishwasher, and John would unload it later.

This was how the Laurens family worked, and later, when John was doing his ‘rounds,’ making sure that Martha, Henry, and James were in bed, lights out, he couldn’t help but think that it shouldn’t be this war. Later, when he brought two dollars into Martha’s room from the Tooth Fairy, he recalled how he had done the same with the twins, but Henry would always try to stay up, so he would always have to wait an extra-long amount of time. Mary’s light was already off when John went to tell her she had fifteen minutes before bed. _She’s probably on her phone, but I’ll let her be. She knows to get enough sleep._ John grabbed his Pre-Calc textbook and went back to studying.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex's alarm went unnoticed and after five minutes of ringing, it shut off automatically. The other alarms scheduled had yet to go off when his phone rang with loud, blaring sound. He picked his head off a pillow that had found its way onto his desk -  _Probably Mom_ \- and grabbed his phone. "Alexander!" A female voice chimed.

"Ah, my dearest Angelica, what can I-" He yawned. "Do for you?"

"You can wake up with your alarm, for one. What's the last time you remember seeing?"

"I looked at the clock around... let me see... 3:37."

"Alexander! Sleep is an important human necessity, and you need it." Angelica nagged.

"Ange, you're an angel, but I have a Pre-Calculus test first period. I need to pass that to get to Calculus, so I can start college with Trigonometry."

"You don't  _need_  any of that. You cannot derive yourself of this much sleep regularly. You must promise me to sleep tonight."

"I will."

"You said that last time."

"I promise. On my life." He meant it.  _I will never anger Angelica. When she's mad, an angel she is not. More like Prince of Hell. Princess._

"See you in Pre-Calc. Because I studied. To a reasonable time. And got a good night's sleep."

"See you." Alex abjured. He heard the tone that signaled her hanging up on him. "And John." He added softly. He didn't remember much of his dreams, ever, but sometimes little images stuck with him. Soft hair, a softer smile, millions of freckles, and dark eyes. He was trying to remember what his dream had been about, other than his kind classmate, when he became aware of a  _hard_  problem. He sighed.  _Maybe I know what that dream was about after all_. Alex's second alarm went off, jolting him from his thoughts.  _Right_.  _Rest of my day_. He quickly got ready for school, and that began with the bathroom.

.* &*.

He shivered in the cold at the bus stop and tried to ignore his hair going into his face. Why is it so cold and snow is lingering on the ground in April? His gaze was focused on his Pre-Calc textbook. The recently-assigned AP Language & Composition research paper sat completed in his bag alongside other work that wouldn't be due for another week at least. His eyes ran over equations and theorems. Alex looked up at the squeak of brakes. The bus was stopped in front of him. He walked up the three steps and went a few seats down, slid in against the window and went right back to reading from the textbook he hadn't even closed.

.*&*.

"Alex!" A female voice called. He continued walking up the stairs to the second floor. "Alexander Hamilton!"

"Yes, my dearest Angelica?" He sighed as he turned around.

"Ha-ha. Very funny. I meant it about you getting a better night's sleep. I expect to see you Friday morning well-rested, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed." The eldest Schuyler sister commanded.

"Ange, like a said, you're an angel, but-" and though his mouth continued on autopilot about how he would try, but couldn't guarantee any success, his mind was now focused on John. Another reason he couldn't sleep last night. He just seemed so, helpless, when they were in the hallway. And Michael.  _No one deserves to have someone commit suicide. Everyone is loved, but not everyone knows it. There's always someone out there who loves you- be it a cousin or a boyfriend_. "I'll try."

"You had better, Alexander. So, are you ready for Pre-Calculus?" Alex lifted his textbook so she could see he had been studying. "Ah. I'll take that as a no. Even though you were studying all night."

"Angelica-"

"It's fine, Alexander. I've got to go- I promised Theodosia I'd help her with her French." Angelica rushed off down the hall.

"Goodbye." He said to empty space. He opened his locker and saw his shirt was stuffed inside.  _Why is- John. He cried all over it. Shit, I should probably find him so he doesn't think I'm avoiding him... although with my dream last night I probably should._

_No! Find him and give him the ribbon, as planned._

After searching the first floor, and then the second, Alexander ascended to the third and was about to give up on his search when he saw John's hair turn the corner into the stairwell. He was looking downwards. "John!" Alex called. "John!" He moved through the hallway. The taller teenager turned around in the doorframe. "Oh, hi Alex. Sorry if I didn't hear you, I was reading." He lifted a packet of paper slightly as proof.

"It's fine. I just wanted to return your ribbon." As John began to protest, Alex truly noticed the style of paper. "That looks legal." John's face flushed scarlet, and he moved the papers downwards to partially hide them. "I didn't mean to pry!" Alex apologized quickly. "I just want to be a lawyer, so I've become accustomed to seeing papers like that."

 _Maybe that could be helpful..._ John thought. "Do you need to be anywhere during lunch?"

"Well, I eat with Herc and Laf, alongside the Schuyler sisters, and... why?" Alex had to admit, he would gladly ditch his friends for John just this once.

"Can I sit with you guys and you could maybe help me understand these papers?" John mutter bashfully.

"Oh, of course- I mean, gladly! Or-" Alex rambled and John's brain worked quickly.  _He looks so kissable right now... Fuck John, don't be so gay, you just became friendly with the guy and then sobbed into his chest uncontrollably. So try to exercise some restraint today, you idiot._

Alexander stopped rambling with a quiet, "Sorry."

John's eyes flashed up from his lips to his eyes. "Don't worry! So, I guess I'll see you at lunch- and Pre-Calculus as well. Good luck on that test, I hope you studied!" And he hastily moved further into the stairwell and down the steps. Alex stared after him until a senior bumped into him and shoved him aside, breaking his line of sight.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D E D I C A T I O N
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to superpants for leaving a comment on each chapter! Even though you started reading after a lot of chapters were posted, you still reviewed them all and I'm so glad that you're enjoying my work!
> 
> .*&*.
> 
> And ummmmmmmmmmmmm sorry for the delay- *shit this is embarrassing* I was calling my friend Alex (yes same name there are five of us in drama club ok) when I was unloading the dishwasher. I was putting two cups away and he cracked a joke and I let one of the cups go- it fell, and I went to catch it, dropping my phone into a pan that was soaking in Dawn detergent and water. So... my phone sat in rice for 42 hours. Yep. *fuck I'm such a klutz* anyways... it's fine now (let's hope so) and I apologize for any delay!
> 
> Also, for mental illnesses and dyslexia and etc., I always go off of my own personal experience and my family and friends' experiences, so if this is untrue to your own experiences, I apologize.

 

.*&*.

John sat down in Pre-Calculus and sighed over-dramatically.  _Logically I'll get somewhere around an 85 like I always do._

_Logically. But with a newfound distraction, maybe not._

_Alexander is not that much of a distraction._

_He gave you an erection yesterday._

_Shut up. That's why I don't tease him anymore._

_When did you make that decision?_

_Immediately after I got that boner._ John had to stop his internal bickering when his teacher walked into the classroom. His gaze refocused on his textbook and his notes of equations and theorems. The letters annoyed him. His teacher, Mrs. Vitale, was good with grading his accidental letter mess ups. She was always incredibly helpful about whenever he messed things up.

His fellow students filed in, huddled within their groups, with a few stragglers. John noticed their resident freshman- a young genius who tested far ahead named Peggy- the youngest Schuyler sister, shuffle in to sit alongside her older sisters. Angelica and Peggy struck up a conversation, but Eliza stayed silent.  _Ooh, a little bit of sister drama. I wonder why Eliza's mad at them. Well, it's none of my business, but I really want to know._

_John! Study!_

_Shit, I almost forgot._ His eyes darted between his textbook and his notes, trying to engrave the  
formulas and theorems on his brain. Eventually, Mrs. Vitale called them to attention and she passed out the test. John penciled his name on the top line and got to work. He was wrapping up the third page when he noticed a foot tapping out a beat. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9. John counted before forcing himself to stop staring at the foot and get back to his paper. The foot kept tapping and subconsciously he began to tap the same beat with his pencil.

Soon, John stood up to hand in the finished product and noticed on his way back to his desk that the foot-tapping was Alexander Hamilton's. John rushed back to his seat and almost tripped on his messenger bag. When he sat down safely in his chair he pulled out his laptop and started playing Sudoku. It was his way of focusing on something else, he never had the same problems with numbers as he did with letters.

Next thing he knew, Mrs. Vitale was attempting to get everyone's attention and he looked up, almost done with his puzzle and his fingers itching to continue.

"So I've decided this next chapter should be started with a group project!" She cheered happily. "And I have created groups for you all to work in. I'll call up the group leaders and tell them who they'll be working with and give them these papers explaining everything, and then, in your groups of three, you can all get started!"

Mrs. Vitale started listing names, ignoring or oblivious to the eyes being rolled all around the room. "Alexander Hamilton..."  _oh please do not let us be in the same group._ "John Laurens..."  _thank you, whatever god is out there listening to my thoughts! And I also apologize for some of the things you have to hear and see..._

"John, your group will be with Eliza and Evan." She handed him a packet of papers. He motioned to the two of them that they were with him, and the three sat together. Evan declared he wasn't doing any work and pulled out his phone. John and Eliza rolled their eyes and started getting to work.

.*&*.

" _f_ equals 39.7,  _m_  equals 4.6, and  _b_ equals 9."

"I had 39.8 for  _f_ , and don't you mean  _d_?" Eliza questioned.

 _Fuck_. "Yeah,  _d_. That's what I meant." He corrected. Eliza looked from John to Evan, and muttered, "Boys." Under her breath.

"Don't blame men for a simple mistake." He commented. "Most women hate when people do that. Most  _humans_  do as well." Eliza rolled her eyes and she opened her mouth to speak, but John cut her off. "It's not even a  _male_  problem."

"What isn't?"

 _Shit, John. Get your act together_. "Nevermind." He looked down at his notebook. "39.8, you said? Maybe... let me check the math..." He redid the work hoping she would drop the subject. He was wrong.

"What isn't a male problem? John?" Any trace of the force and bitterness in her voice earlier was gone.

"Oh, you were right, it is 39.8. I messed up my addition."

"John?"

"You don't really care, Eliza."

"Actually, I do care, since you're making a big deal about it."

"What big deal?"

"Just tell me, John Laurens."

"Fine." John sighed. Evan continued to type on his phone. "I'm dyslexic. Now can we get back to work? Or are you going to double-check everything I do now because you think I'm stupid?"

"John, dyslexia doesn't make you stupid. It makes you smart if you're still in advanced classes despite a disadvantage. Pegs is dyslexic, and she's taking a  _senior_  level math class as a freshman. We're just juniors and we're taking the same course. But look at her!"

John looked over at the smallest Schuyler sister. She was in charge of her group, and she was owning it. She was scratching something out on the paper, and the two boys she was with followed along dutifully. "She's going to be a handful when she starts dating." He commented.

"Yeah, she will... why do you say that like you're some kind of parent and you know?" Eliza asked, a confused smile on her face.

"No, I was just thinking, look at those two. They're seniors and they're hanging on her every word, and I don't think they care about Pre-Calculus that much."

Eliza's eyes narrowed. "Yeah. I'll talk to them."

"Don't," John advised. "Peggy seems like a smart girl, she won't date someone unless she trusts them. If you get overprotective she won't trust  _you_."

"She already doesn't trust me," Eliza muttered. "I don't even know why."

John didn't know how to respond.  _Do I say something? Do I press the topic? It would explain why her sisters were so cold to her earlier. She's been in a bad mood this entire class._

"It all started this morning."

"Okay," John said quietly.  _So she's going to tell me what everything is about, I guess. Who would've thought, Eliza Schuyler willing to confess her problems to me?_

"Angelica was on the phone, and Pegs was making pancakes." She faltered.

"Sounds idyllic. Wish my house was like that."

"Your family is perfect." Eliza sighed. "Not three girls and a father who doesn't really know what he's doing."

"Three boys, two girls and a father who doesn't know what he's doing at all. I think that might be worse."

"What do you mean?" Eliza asked.

"Our dads must've gotten the same degree in going-to-shit-after-your-wife-dies. My father hasn't done much since. Except protect his name and his political standing."

She sighed. "I know that feeling. Do you guys all band together?"

"Well, yeah. Who do we have if not each other? If I don't look after each of them, their lives will no longer be worth the oxygen in their lungs. And if they didn't look after me, then I would have nothing to live for."

"But do you love them?"

"Do I love them? I don't know anymore. Martha lost her tooth yesterday and I stayed up late to put a few dollars under her pillow. Sami's library books were overdue and I walked there to return them and pay the fee. Henry Jr. and James are everywhere under the sun but no one else cares exactly where, but I always know. I don't know if that's love, bandaging their sprains, getting band-aids for their cuts, cooking their dinners. I don't know. But it's good enough for me."

"Oh, John. I didn't know. Angie, Peg, and I just rotate jobs. I guess, despite our fathers being such great friends, we never talked enough to realize how similar we are."

"But why are Margarita and Angelica mad at you?" John pressed.

"Don't ever call her Margarita- Peggy works just fine. Unless you want her to relieve you of part of your..." She cleared her throat, making her intended meaning obvious. "My father is going to a big social event Saturday evening, and he wants the three of us to bring honorable young men as dates because it's not a 'mingling' type of event."

"My father mentioned something like that. It's at the Sith Ballroom?"

"Correct. I suggested one of us takes Alexander, and Angie thought I meant myself. I swear I was hinting at her!" Eliza whispered the last line fiercely. "So now none of us have anyone to bring... although Pegs has been hinting at a sophomore she has her eye on. This morning Angie said she would ask Alexander, and I said she should, but now they're both even madder. I don't know what to do! How am I supposed to react?" 

"Find a date that isn't Alex, I guess. If she won't listen to your words, use your actions." He suggested awkwardly.  _Shit, if Angelica makes a move on him, he'll go for her. He may be bisexual, but Angelica Schuyler is hot and everyone with a pair of eyes knows it, sexual orientation be damned. I could lose my only chance._

_But Alex being happy is more important, isn't it? Letting him choose who he wants to be with, and if he looks in my direction, I'll make my move. High school relationships never work out anyway._

"Great idea! But I don't know if I can trust any of these guys and it's too short notice to find someone out of our school. John?"

"Yeah?"

"You're gay, aren't you?" 

"Fuck what?"  _Shit, shit, shit, oh no, I'm hallucinating-dreaming-making things up again... I can't be experiencing this right now... Shit!_

Eliza looked over at Evan, who had not paid attention the entire conversation, lowered her voice and whispered, "And you like Alexander too."

His face must have been scarlet, his eyes wide as a doe's in headlights, and he swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat. "N-" He couldn't speak. John began to feel a panic attack coming on. 

"Mrs. Vitale! John's not feeling well, I'm going to take him to the nurse!" Eliza called out. The eyes of the entire class were on the two of them leaving; John Laurens, the senator's eldest son, gasping for air, and Eliza Schuyler, the other senator's middle daughter, with her hand on his back guiding him into the hallway in a hurry. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness, but I figured for the extra long wait you guys deserved another chapter soon.

****"Alexander!" Angelica whispered, elbowing the immigrant in the side.

"What?" He asked sharply, looking up from the complicated problem, but what he saw wasn't Angelica's worried face, well, that too, but what his eyes focused on was John Laurens looking like he wanted to vomit, sucking in air like he couldn't breathe, as Eliza practically shoved him out of the classroom. "What happened?" He whispered to Angelica.

"I don't- I don't know. She stood up and announced John didn't feel good and left-" Alex fixed a questioning glare on her, "with no explanation," she expanded, "and then you saw what happened. They're gone."

"What do you  _think_  happened?"

"They were whispering a lot over there, maybe Eliza brought something up that freaked him up. It looked like a panic attack to me." Angelica looked concerned, as her eyes roamed over their classmates. "Everyone, get back to work! Just because someone felt sick doesn't mean you don't have to learn." For the most part, everyone did. Evan sat there on his phone. "Evan, why don't you join Matt's group, since yours isn't here?" The blonde groaned and got up, moving a chair where he was told. Angelica looked around, satisfied. "No one likes to do work anymore." 

"Angel, we both know that you would rather gossip than do this work." Alex smiled. 

"I would not! I enjoy working, and I enjoy math! But speaking of things I would rather do..." she trailed off. "I have a favor to ask." Alex raised his eyebrows. "There is a dinner- a ball, is the proper term. I'm sure you heard about it?"

"Yes, for the-" He was cut off.

"No need to go into the exact politics now. The thing is, I need a date, and you are such a great friend, that I was hoping you would go with me." 

 _Angelica has an ulterior motive. She always does. She can read people as quickly and thoroughly as she reads books, and she_ always _has an ulterior motive. She's trying to get something from me... but the only way to find out what is to go with her_. "Sounds pleasant. Your sisters will also be there, I imagine?"

"If they too can find dates, or as my father says, 'charming young men,' to enter on their sides, then yes. Peggy has her eyes on someone, and Eliza has yet to think about it. It's this Saturday." Angelica explained. 

"Only four days? Thanks for the advance notice,  _dearest_." The endearment came across sarcastically. 

"You just have to wear a suit and tie. Please?" She asked.

"Alright, I'll go. Should we get back to work?" 

.*&*.

At the end of the class, John and Eliza still had not returned. They all handed in their work, and Alexander went over to the desk they had been working at and brought it to Mrs. Vitale. "This was..." He drifted off.

"Oh! John, Evan, and Elizabeth's, yes. Thank you for bringing this to me."

"No problem." He left quickly, and while other students headed to the cafeteria for a break to meet friends and buy snacks, he detoured towards the nurse's office. "John?" He asked softly. The figure in the chair turned towards him. It was neither John nor Eliza, but a younger boy, a freshman. "Nevermind." 

"The nurse just stepped out if you're looking for her."

"No, I'm not, but thanks." Alex walked away.  _Pull yourself together, man. Imagine if that had been John. You'd never have lived it down. Don't go looking for him now. If you see him in the halls, so be it._

He walked away, knowing that Herc and Laf were bound to be looking for him. Sure enough, they were waiting by his locker. "Where were you, mon ami?"

"Nurse." He said quickly, entering his combination.

"Dude, are you okay?" Hercules asked.

"What? Yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?" Alex was confused as to what he was asking.  _Do I look worried or something?_

Laf stepped forward. "Well, you did say that you were in la enfermera." < _the nurse >_

"Je vas bien, I was looking for someone."  _< I'm fine>_

Laf looked worried and asked, "¿Le parece bien?" < _Are you sure? >_

"Si." Alex answered as he grabbed some things to work on in his free period.

"Does this have anything to do with...  _que_ quelqu'un?" He struggled with the pronunciation but Herc's message got across.  _< that someone>_

"Quelqu'un? Alexander, mon petit lion, what have you neglected to tell moi?"  _< someone/my small lion/me>_

"Alex here has un flechazo. That's right, right?" Herc whispered the last part.  _< a crush (masc.)>_

"Si." Alex sighed, before Laf picked up the conversation like a hound sniffing out a scent.

"¿Quien es el?" He asked quickly. "Non. Vous ne pourrez pas nous dire de toute façon. Mais peut-être... non. Alexander, mon petit lion, pourquoi faut-il être si difficile. Que fait-il?"

"Woah, Laf, slow down, I don't think any of us got that." Hercules raised his hand in a clear 'stop' movement. 

Alex shut his locker. "He wanted to know who he was, knew I wouldn't say, I'm not sure, and wants to know what he looks like. I won't say, but nice try."

"Pourquoi faut-il être si difficile." 

"I didn't get it the first time, repeating yourself doesn't help." Alex sighed.

"Why must you be so difficult?" Laf translated. "You could've figured that out if you were patient."

"He's clearly not in le bonne humeur." Herc observed.  _< a good mood>_

"Si le sirve de ayuda, mon petit lion, alguien has caught mon oeil, as well."  _< if it helps, my small lion, someone has caught my eye>_

Alex looked up sharply. "Who is he? Necesito para golpearlo?"  _< do I need to beat him up?>_

"Non!" Laf looked scandalized. "I'm going to try to hacer un movimiento today."  _< make a move>_

Herc sighed. "Just don't be too sexual, man. We know what happened última vez."  _< last time>_

Alex chuckled and got lost in the memory.  _Lafayette liked one of the hottest girls in the area, so he went up to her, professing his undying love like the overdramatic nerd he is, entirely in French. But the girl didn't speak a word of it. So after an incredibly long and awkward speech, she grabbed a translator. The nearest person who spoke French was, coincidentally, her boyfriend of five years. He hid in a dumpster._

"Espera el contenedor." Hercules commented.  _< the dumpster awaits>_ He didn't speak much in the way of Spanish, but Alex teased Laf with that line for so long he knew it by heart. 

"I'm going to head to the library early- Laf, don't do anything drastic and overdramatic. Herc, don't terrify any freshmen." And with that parting advice, he turned and went towards the library. 

"See you, mon ami!"

"Bye, mate."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a drill!! THIS. IS. NOT. A. DRILL. We hit 150 kudos! Y'all I never thought this would happen, thank you all so very very much and seriously, this is all you guys. If no one liked this story, I wouldn't keep writing it.

"John, just breathe. C'mon. In,  _1-2-3-4-5_ , and out,  _5-4-3-2-1_. In,  _1-2-3-4-5_ , and out,  _5-4-3-2-1_." The middle Schuyler sister was counseling his breathing. He focused on her and tried to follow her direction.  _It's fine, it's just Eliza._

_Just Eliza? Eliza Schuyler? The most popular girl in school? Who could easily spread what she's figured out about me? She's more than just Eliza. She's a ticking time bomb. And not just that I'm gay- but about Alex as well._

After a terrifying what felt like two hours, his breathing cleared. "John, John, relax."

John pushed her hand off of his shoulder. "I'm fine."

"Clearly you aren't, you've been having a panic attack for the last fifteen minutes."

"Only fifteen?" He groaned.

"We could head back to Pre-Calc, if you want, or we could just stay here." Eliza rubbed his back comfortingly.

"I don't want to go back- I can't face them all right now..."

"I understand, let's just stay here."

"Where is  _here_?" John asked suspiciously, looking around. "I've never been to this part of the school."

"Well..." she rubbed the back of her neck, an expression on guilt on her pretty features. "I brought you across campus rather than to the nurse. You know the rooms only creative writing uses? 505 and 502?"

"They're the ones over the gymnasium, right?"

"Yeah... well there's an office in between them, but no teacher uses it after Mrs. Gibbs died, so it's always empty. Great view though, right?" Eliza asked anxiously.

"Stunning. Don't worry, I won't tell. How do you know about this office?" John asked, staring out the third story window. The view gazed out over a partial of the track, but mainly the soccer field and some small wooded area behind the school. The grass was growing greener, despite the harsh and unusual April chill and wind.

"Angelica told me. She used to do her homework up here before she got her driver's license and could just drive home. Sometimes, if Dad needs us to go to events after school, we'll stay late and do work, get ready up here, and then we're fine. It's enough space and we can hang dresses over here on the bookshelf."

"And you've never been caught?" John asked incredulously.

"If a teacher did figure it out, no one ever said anything." The two fell into silence for a minute. "Hey, John?" The Schuyler sister's voice was soft. "I won't tell anyone. That you're gay. Or that you like Alex. I won't even tell him."

"Thanks." He muttered.

"Us senator kids, we gotta stick together. Especially when neither of our fathers knows what he's doing. Do you want to just relax here until class is over? I'm sure Angie or Peggy will get my books, and probably yours too. They'll leave them on our lunch table, we can swing by after the bell and I'm sure our books will be there."

"Yeah- that'd be nice. It  _is_ a breathtaking view, isn't it?"

"I come up here all the time just to look. It seems so basic, just a staple of life, but it's amazing that no one even comes up here anymore, and the teachers don't even care. Makes you feel like king of the world, doesn't it?" She giggled.

"I guess it does."

"John- that stupid ball thing on Saturday, do you want to go with me? As friends? Just so my dad won't be really mad at me for not having a date, and then that gets your dad off your back as well, right? Is your dad- um... okay with you being gay? He doesn't know, I'm guessing."

"No, he doesn't know. He's really homophobic, but that doesn't really poll well here in Connecticut, so he keeps it under wraps. Yeah, I'd love to go, Eliza. Should we- I don't know- color coordinate something, like your dress and my tie? My dad says that's important, and that's why Mary Eleanor and Martha's dresses always match, and Henry, James, and I have the ties." John blundered. "I'm not really good at this."

"My dress is this color..." She pulled out her phone and showed her friend the sea foam green fabric. "I could send you this if it'll help?"

"Yeah, it would. How should we tell our dads that we're going together? I don't want my dad to know I'm gay, but I don't think faking a relationship would be in either of our favors."

"Maybe it would, actually. Just for our dads' sake. If my father thinks I'm dating his campaign partner's son, he'll be off my back about so much, like finding a 'respectable young man,' and making sure he's 'beneficial.' You've never dated before, have you? Not here, anyway."

"No one my dad knows about." John sighed.

"Then having a girlfriend, albeit a fake one, would play in your favor. If he had any suspicion of your sexuality, you and I could disperse it." Eliza theorized.

"What made you so cunning? And why are you so eager to take me to this ball?"

"Angie is taking Alex, and my dad needs me to go. If we both go, we both get our dads off our backs, and see Alex as well. You two haven't even been friends for a long time, have you?"

"Since yesterday, if that counts." John muttered. "Well, it would get my dad somewhat off my back about dating, and also about finding someone respectable. We could just fake it for Saturday night and our dads would be set for a while. That would actually be such a relief. You're an angel, Eliza. Whatever your motives with Alex are." He looked down at his feet. "Thanks for getting me out of there. I guess I overreacted."

"A panic attack is not overreacting!" She protested. "I surprised you with sensitive information that I probably shouldn't have even known in the middle of class. You were well within your rights as a human being to panic." The fiery glint in her eyes told him not to argue. The two fell into silence, until Eliza smiled and elbowed her gay/fake date in the side. "So why do  _you_  like Alex?"

John sighed. "Well..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, to all of you out there: I love y'all. Seeing comments, kudos, even people who bookmark, it makes me smile because I know that someone else is enjoying this, and I thank you for that. We're at 1900 hits, and I never thought I would break 50 - mostly just friends who felt obligated to read what I'd written. 
> 
> .*&*.
> 
> I know this chapter took longer, but I'm trying to take notes on what I'm writing as I write it so I don't forget anything, but I also have to note what I've already written and exam season is upon me so if chapters take a little bit longer than usual and fall a bit short of my usual word count, I'm trying my best. *sighs* I hate high school. So here's a chapter I tried on, and it took me quite a while.
> 
> .*&*.
> 
> On another note, last chapter ended with a cliffhanger, yes. Well, *cackles evilly once more,* this is Eliza's POV.

 

The music played through the iPhone on the bedside table. I pulled one hand out of the warm heaven that was underneath my blankets and comforter to shut off my alarm. I cut off Luke Hemming's next line when I hit 'stop.' It takes superhuman strength to get out of bed, I swear.  _I guess that makes me a superhuman_ , I thought as my feet made contact with hardwood floors. The sun hadn't even risen while I walked out of my room and into the hall, lined with photos of Angie, Pegs, and me throughout our childhood.

I heard the water running, Angie showering, no doubt. I walked downstairs and saw Peggy making pancakes.

"Hi, Pegs!" I said cheerily.

"Hey, Eliza." She spoke softly, pouring the batter. "Angie told me to tell you that  _she's_ bringing Alex to the ball on Saturday."

And just like that my day got worse. "What do you mean? Why couldn't she tell me this herself?"

Pegs shrugged. "I think she didn't want to see your reaction. She was pretty certain about it. And she told Dad she was bringing him, so it's pretty set."

"I ought to-" I stopped myself.  _I ought to slap her, but that won't do anyone any good. Screw Angie, then._

_Deep breaths, Eliza. Breathe. Alex doesn't belong to you. You broke up._

_Angie and Alex can go together, fine. I won't make a fuss._

"Eliza? You okay?" Pegs asked _. I must look murderous, dang it._

"Yeah, Pegs. I'm fine." I forced myself to smile. "Who are you taking?" And I listened while she talked about this sophomore named Zachariah- I think his last name starts with an S, but I'm not sure.

When Angie finished showering, she care downstairs, in her flawless makeup and with her hair done flawlessly.  _How can she manage to always look so beautiful and flawless?! Yet, ask her. She'll say she looks ugly._ It drove me crazy.

After I went back up the stairs, I could hear Pegs and Angie discussing me. My reaction to Pegs saying Angie was taking Alex, to be specific.  _I can't help it, I'm still head over heels when it comes to him, okay_?

I got ready for my day, put the finishing touches on an essay, and avoided my sisters as much as one could with three girls all getting ready for school in the same house. Angie drove us all to school, and I chose to sit in the back seat, not willing to test my luck.

Pegs and Angie chattered on, while I scrolled through Instagram in the back seat.  _Who can I ask to this ball that won't be awful?_

_Someone I can talk to... who is at least half-decent in physical appearance... who's nice... and smart... and definitely kind. Just to get my father off of my back._

By the time we arrived at school, the warning bell had just rung. The three of us split, Pegs' locker is on the third floor, but Angie's is to the left of mine on the second floor. We unpacked in silence, surrounded by the bustle of freshmen freaking out, seniors chilling, and sophomores and juniors just studying and talking. "I'm taking him. You can't stop me."

I looked over at Angie. She appeared emotionless until I saw the determination in her eyes. "You can have him." I said quickly. "I've already found somebody else to ask." 

She looked surprised, confused, and finally angry. "Whatever Eliza. Just do not disrespect Dad."

"It's not me he should be worried about." I shot back. Angie stormed off.

_I shouldn't have snapped at her, I know. But she was just so--- urgh. I have to apologize now, don't I? Whatever, I'll let her calm down before I do. I don't need her injuring me only five days before this dance._

_Ah, yes, Mr.-and-Mrs.-Whatever-Your-Face, please ignore my crutches. No, no, I didn't get injured playing a sport or being athletic._

_Unless angering my sister is a sport, in which case, I could get the gold at the next Olympics. Is angering my sister a winter or summer sport, do you think? I tend to annoy Angie the most in the winter, because we both work in the summer, or we're on vacation and tend to get along just fine... so probably the next winter Olympics._


	16. Chapter 16

Heading to my homeroom, I was doomed to an uneventful day. Until I was working side by side with John Laurens. He seemed nervous while we were working, and he kept looking over to Angie and Alex, who also happened to be working together.  _Does he honestly have a crush on my sister?_

While we did the math and work involved with designing this project, John kept getting distracted and saying the wrong letters. It was driving me insane.

" _f_ equals 39.7,  _m_  equals 4.6, and  _b_ equals 9." He spoke.  _B isn't even a letter that we were solving for! Why are boys such idiots? Maybe if he wasn't getting so distracted by Angie._ I glanced over to where John's eyes kept flitting. Angie was gone.  _She must've gone to the bathroom_. 

 _Wait. If Angie's gone, that means John's looking at..._ realization dawned.  _Alex._

_Think, Eliza, think. When has John Laurens ever had a girlfriend? Our fathers have run side by side in so many elections, but I've never seen him with a girl- other than his sisters._

_Oh shit. John's gay. And he likes Alexander Hamilton. Oh shit._

I noticed he was looking at me, waiting for my response. "I had 39.8 for  _f_ , and don't you mean  _d_?"  _Maybe if he paid his work as much attention as Alex, then he would've caught the twentieth mistake he's made._

"Yeah,  _d_. That's what I meant."

I looked over to Evan, who was still sitting on his phone. I rolled my eyes. "Boys." 

"Don't blame men for a simple mistake. Most women hate when people do that. Most  _humans_  do as well." I tried to defend myself but he cut me off. "It's not even a  _male_  problem." 

_He had the nerve to cut me off!_

_But he's right_.

_I wonder what problem he's talking about._

"What isn't?"

"Nevermind. 39.8, you said? Maybe... let me check the math..."

"What isn't a male problem? John?"

"Oh, you were right, it is 39.8. I messed up my addition."

"John?"

"You don't really care, Eliza."

"Actually, I do care, since you're making a big deal about it."

"What big deal?"

"Just tell me, John Laurens."

"Fine. I'm dyslexic. Now can we get back to work? Or are you going to double-check everything I do now because you think I'm stupid?" 

 _Shit, fuck, I am such an idiot._ "John, dyslexia doesn't make you stupid. It makes you smart if you're still in advanced classes despite a disadvantage. Pegs is dyslexic, and she's taking a  _senior_  level math class as a freshman. We're just juniors and we're taking the same course. But look at her!"

He followed where my left hand index finger was pointing and he looked at my sister. "She's going to be a handful when she starts dating."

"Yeah, she will... why do you say that like you're some kind of parent and you know?"  _He's seventeen and he's talking like he has five kids of his own._

"No, I was just thinking, look at those two. They're seniors and they're hanging on her every word, and I don't think they care about Pre-Calculus that much."

 _If they dare..._  "Yeah. I'll talk to them."  _Threaten them, more like_.

"Don't," John advised. "Peggy seems like a smart girl, she won't date someone unless she trusts them. If you get overprotective she won't trust  _you_."

"She already doesn't trust me, I don't even know why."  _Both of them have been acting funny now, and I guess I did overreact but damn it. Angie just loves pressing my buttons_. "It all started this morning. Angelica was in the shower, and Pegs was making pancakes."

"Sounds idyllic. Wish my house was like that."

"Your family is perfect." I sighed. "Not three girls and a father who doesn't really know what he's doing."

"Three boys, two girls and a father who doesn't know what he's doing at all. I think that might be worse." _Wait what._

"What do you mean?"

"Our dads must've gotten the same degree in-going-to-shit-after-wife-dies. My father hasn't done much since. Except protect his name and his political standing."

"I know that feeling. Do you guys all band together?"

"Well, yeah. Who do we have if not each other? If I don't look after each of them, their lives will no longer be worth the oxygen in their lungs. And if they didn't look after me, then I would have nothing to live for."

"But do you love them?"  _This conversation just got deep. Almost too deep._

"Do I love them? I don't know anymore. Martha lost her tooth yesterday and I stayed up late to put a few dollars under her pillow. Sami's library books were overdue and I walked there to return them and pay the fee. Henry Jr. and James are everywhere under the sun but no one else cares exactly where, but I always know. I don't know if that's love, bandaging their sprains, getting band-aids for their cuts, cooking their dinners. I don't know. But it's good enough for me."

 _Oh fuck._ "Oh, John. I didn't know. Angie, Peg, and I just rotate jobs. I guess, despite our fathers being such great friends, we never talked enough to realize how similar we are."

"But why are Margarita and Angelica mad at you?"  _Very nice change of subject, John. At least your father taught you one thing._

"Don't ever call her Margarita- Peggy works just fine. Unless you want her to relieve you of part of your..."  _I'm not explaining that further._  "My father is going to a big social event Saturday evening, and he wants the three of us to bring honorable young men as dates because it's not a 'mingling' type of event."  _Please go with me, please go with me. I need a date and I hope you won't mind._

"My father mentioned something like that. It's at the Sith Ballroom?"

"Correct. I suggested one of us takes Alexander, and Angie thought I meant myself. I swear I was hinting at her!"  _A+ lying there, Eliza._ "So now none of us have anyone to bring... although Pegs has been hinting at a sophomore she has her eye on. This morning Angie said she would ask Alexander, and I said she should, but now they're both even madder. I don't know what to do! How am I supposed to react?"

"Find a date that isn't Alex, I guess. If she won't listen to your words, use your actions."  _John is a lot smarter than I gave him credit for._

"Great idea! But I don't know if I can trust any of these guys and it's too short notice to find someone out of our school."


	17. .17.

"John?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"You're gay, aren't you?"

"Fuck- what?"

"And you like Alexander too."

His eyes went wide, his cheeks flushed, and his breathing grew heavier. He was having a panic attack. I could've done that a lot better. Now I have to get him out of here.

"Mrs. Vitale! John's not feeling well, I'm going to take him to the nurse!" I left the paper with our work on it by Evan and our books and just quickly pulled John out of his seat. I guided him out into the hall and tried to support as much of his weight as I could. I can tell he would not want to explain any of this to the nurse or guidance. I've got to take him somewhere, somewhere he can calm down and breathe.

The office!

I brought John down the hallway and down a flight of stairs. "Come on John, just breathe, okay? It's all going to be fine..." I walked across the gym to another flight of stairs. "You've just got to get up these stairs, okay? Then everything will be alright." As John sucked in air, I started rubbing his back. I so do not need a hyperventilating John Laurens right now.

"Alright, John, lets just go up another few steps, just a few more, now one more, there we go..." I held back the panic that wanted to show itself in my voice. Be cool, calm, collected. Don't freak him out further. "And just inside here..." I lead him into the abandoned office Angie had shown me late freshman year. This place was safe. No one is coming in here anytime soon. The dust on things can testify to that.

I watched the clock while John tried to steady his breathing. Minutes slowly ticked by, and his breathing slowly started to calm down. "John, just breathe. C'mon. In,  _1-2-3-4-5_ , and out,  _5-4-3-2-1_. In,  _1-2-3-4-5_ , and out,  _5-4-3-2-1_."

"John, John, relax." I started rubbing circles on his back. I moved it up to his shoulder when he appeared calm.

He pushed my hand away. "I'm fine."

_Is he really going to pull this on me? 'Men don't need to show emotion' my ass._ "Clearly you aren't, you've been having a panic attack for the last fifteen minutes."

"Only fifteen?" He groaned.

"We could head back to Pre-Calc, if you want," I could see the panic start to spread across his face and quickly amended my statement. "Or we could just stay here."

His eyes were wide when he looked up and focused on my own. "I don't want to go back- I can't face them all right now..."

"I understand, let's just stay here."

"Where is  _here_?" John asked suspiciously, looking around. "I've never been to this part of the school."

_Shit. I should've thought about having to explain this earlier. I had fifteen minutes._ "Well... I brought you across campus rather than to the nurse. You know the rooms only creative writing uses? 505 and 502?"

"They're the ones over the gymnasium, right?"

"Yeah... well there's an office in between them, but no teacher uses it after Mrs. Gibbs died, so it's always empty. Great view though, right?" I looked around nervously, gesturing wildly to the wide window right in front of us.

"Stunning. Don't worry, I won't tell. How do you know about this office?"  _Thank god_.

"Angelica told me. She used to do her homework up here before she got her driver's license and could just drive home. Sometimes, if Dad needs us to go to events after school, we'll stay late and do work, get ready up here, and then we're fine. It's enough space and we can hang dresses over here on the bookshelf." I pointed to where some dusty DVDs lay.

"And you've never been caught?"  _Why does nobody understand how easy sneaking around is? Just cover your bases. Senator's daughters get one or two 'get-out-of-jail-free' cards._

"If a teacher did figure it out, no one ever said anything."  _I should probably explain that I didn't mean to spook him like that._

_It's not my fault he overreacted._

_Except it kind of is my fault._

_I sprung it on him._

_Damn it._

"Hey, John? I won't tell anyone. That you're gay. Or that you like Alex. I won't even tell him."

His response was nearly inaudible, but I heard it anyway. "Thanks."

"Us senator kids, we gotta stick together.  _Especially_ when neither of our fathers knows what he's doing. Do you want to just relax here until class is over? I'm sure Angie or Peggy will get my books, and probably yours too. They'll leave them on our lunch table, we can swing by after the bell and I'm sure our books will be there."  _I hope. If Pegs and Ang aren't so mad at me that they wouldn't even do that_.

"Yeah- that'd be nice. It  _is_ a breathtaking view, isn't it?"

"I come up here all the time just to look." I added. "It seems so basic, just a staple of life, but it's amazing that no one even comes up here anymore, and the teachers don't even care. Makes you feel like king of the world, doesn't it?"  _No one ever knows if people are up here. It makes me feel removed from the crowds- but not the way my last name does. Here, I'm just Eliza. Just me. No one cares about my father, my sisters, my reputation. Here, I'm just me and no one can ever take that from me._

_God, could you be any more cliche?_

"I guess it does."

"John- that stupid ball thing on Saturday, do you want to go with me? As friends? Just so my dad won't be really mad at me for not having a date, and then that gets your dad off your back as well, right? Is your dad- um... okay with you being gay?" I quickly reasoned, "He doesn't know, I'm guessing." I watched his eyes widen and I seriously hoped he didn't have another panic attack.

"No, he doesn't know. He's really homophobic, but that doesn't really poll well here in Connecticut, so he keeps it under wraps. Yeah, I'd love to go, Eliza. Should we- I don't know- color coordinate something, like your dress and my tie? My dad says that's important, and that's why Mary Eleanor and Martha's dresses always match, and Henry, James, and I have the ties." John blundered. "I'm not really good at this."

I suppressed an urge to giggle and pulled out my phone. Angie and I had picked out our dresses a while ago, and I knew I had a picture of mine. Not sure how well the color will show on the screen, but it's worth a shot. "My dress is this color... I could send you this if it'll help?"

"Yeah, it would. How should we tell our dads that we're going together? I don't want my dad to know I'm gay, but I don't think faking a relationship would be in either of our favors."

"Maybe it would, actually."  _Oh this could so work in my favor. And John's too._  "Just for our dads' sake. If my father thinks I'm dating his campaign partner's son, he'll be off my back about so much, like finding a 'respectable young man,' and making sure he's 'beneficial.' You've never dated before, have you? Not here, anyway."

"No one my dad knows about." John sighed.

"Then having a girlfriend, albeit a fake one, would play in your favor. If he had any suspicion of your sexuality, you and I could disperse it."  _This is going to be so fun. I really don't like John's father anyway, and now I get to help pull the wool over his eyes. Yes!_

"What made you so cunning? And why are you so eager to take me to this ball?"

"Angie is taking Alex, and my dad needs me to go. If we both go, we both get our dads off our backs, and see Alex as well. You two haven't even been friends for a long time, have you?"

"Since yesterday, if that counts. Well, it would get my dad somewhat off my back about dating, and also about finding someone respectable. We could just fake it for Saturday night and our dads would be set for a while. That would actually be such a relief. You're an angel, Eliza. Whatever your motives with Alex are." He looked down at his feet. "Thanks for getting me out of there. I guess I overreacted."

_He is not going to pull the 'overreaction' card, is he? I won't stand for it._ "A panic attack is not overreacting! I surprised you with sensitive information that I probably shouldn't have even known in the middle of class. You were well within your rights as a human being to panic."

I smiled with a new idea. This ought to cheer him up. "So why do  _you_  like Alex?"

John sighed. "Well..."

To summarize his long-winded, puppy-dog-eyed speech, there are quite a few reasons that John Laurens likes Alexander Hamilton.  _Quite_  a few. For example, his kindness (which I never was sure really existed), his brain (no one could like Alex without mentioning his intelligence), his smile (he does have an incredibly nice set of teeth), his hair (the flowing mane - I crack myself up), and he said something about his eyes (which are really beautiful- or should I say handsome, because toxic masculinity is toxic?).

"Why do  _you_ like Alex?" He turned the question back on me.

"I just couldn't tell you. He's just always-  _there_ , you know? Whenever I need him."

"He seems like a really amazing person." John agreed.

"Oh, right! You haven't even been friends that long!" I started to tell him all these stories, of when Alex first came here from Nevis, and  _everything._ I mean everything. When I finished telling him the story of the first Hamilton v. Jefferson debacle, he barked out a loud laugh. I shushed him through my own laughter, but then the bell rang. We quickly hugged and started walking out.

After retrieving our books, I sent a quick text to Angie and Pegs before my phone could be taken away.

**No need to worry- I've found myself a date for the ball on Saturday**.


End file.
